Why I Started Blogging.
Because I believed in myself.
Just about three years ago at the age of 18, I started my first website. But wait, before I get to that you should know - Blogging stemmed from a place of pain & confusion.
So here's my Blogger story:
Three years ago I found myself going through a very emotional and difficult time. To provide some context, I was dealing with some family situations. Through this time, it was a point where I didn't know who I could trust or who I could express my emotions to without someone running to kiss and tell. However, I always knew that I enjoyed writing and that I wanted to eventually publish my own book one day, but during this time it was a lot deeper than a dream or a goal.
During this time, my self-esteem was constantly tested as most of the stress, restless sleep and comfort eating aided to my weight gain. Along with other attributes: My worth, level of self-love, my mental health and most importantly my emotional state of mind were all be tested to no return.
I say most importantly, because for almost all of us, emotions play a really key role in who and what we feed ourselves with everyday. During this time a few years back, all I wanted to be fed was love, joy, a fresh of breath air and and pure happiness from within. The hardest part about this time in my life was that I had to learn that none of these things were going to come from an external source. No matter how much money someone gave me to go to the mall, take me out to eat or getting my hair done, none of it mattered. Because at the end of the day when the night fell, all I had was a pillow and my thoughts to be faced with.
I blog because I never had a sister to lay with me or simply talk to me and give me a pat on the back and acknowledge that I'm doing my best & that I'm hanging in there. I blog because at the time I knew nothing about therapy or how to properly express my emotions to someone else. I always found myself getting frustrated at the fact that I couldn't get the words out to match the hurt and pain I was experiencing.
My mom gave me a large journal and she told me, "All of your feelings and the things you go through . . . Write them down because you'll feel so much better and you will understand yourself a lot more."
And so I did.
This was the moment that I knew blogging was for me. After spending days writing down the things I was currently going through, I also rooted back to past experiences of hurt and pain that I wanted to highlight, just to see if those experiences aligned with my present situation. And wildly enough they did. When I discovered the depths and the patterns of my emotions, I asked myself, "Am I the only one who went through this or feels this way?" For sometime, I thought I was because everyone else around me seemed to be living just fine.
With Instagram and the impact of social media, I decided to share a lot of my poetry - and the amount of love and feedback was immense. I was in awe and I didn't really know how to take it. The love was so real, other girls began asking me to give them advice on certain situations.
But then, I also knew I had a passion for designing things and making them my own. By the grace of the Universe, I saw an Ad by Wix that said "start your free website today!" Then boom - it hit me.
I wanted to be the sister to my sisters that I never had. I wanted them to know that there is a way to express your emotions. I wanted them to know that we are not angry black women, but instead we just sometimes need assistance when healing those open wounds.
I blog because I know what it's like to not have therapy as an option and settling to bottling everything in. I blog because I knew at the age of 18, I would always secretly surf the internet for advice on how to "Get over a heartbreak" or searching WebMD to see if I was diagnosed with depression. I blog because at the time there were no black women around me who expressed the importance of vulnerability. I blog because at the end of every day, when I lay my head to rest, I wanted to feel that I wasn't alone in battling the emotions that my subconscious just couldn't shake.
I blog because I wanted to change the game. I wanted to change the narrative of how Black Women are deemed. We are not angry, but rather gentle. We are not bitter, but rather sweet. And we are not the same, but rather unique. Fruitful. Beautiful. Astounding. And handcrafted.
I chose blogging because there was no one else around me to show me the way. So I had to make it way.
To blog for me, was to be revolutionary. And to this day, I receive emails and messages daily from women feeling inspired and moved by my words of encouragement & support so much, that they too want to start their own blog. And that they too want to change the narrative in how we as Black Women live our daily lives. From fashion, to food, poetry, wellness, natural hair and even to just sharing the stories of other Black Women who's voices go unheard in our culture-vultured society.
I chose blogging because this was my superpower that the Universe finally allowed me to tap into.
What do you choose?♡
Your Blogger Sister: AmaniRakeia.