Quitting Blogging & YouTube.

[Trigger post for me - Bare with me as I'm probably crying while writing this post.]

695BC240-9269-42D3-ABE6-26C562E34F12.jpeg

Sigh - Where or how do I even begin to start this off?

Tonight is the first time that I've ever thought about quitting YouTube & Blogging. I know this seems abrupt and may catch a lot of you off guard, but something hit me today & I have a lot on my chest. 

A few times by now I've been told by people close to me to start looking for a real job that will actually pay the bills. After hearing it so much, I started to feel less and less defensive about proving them wrong that this can actually turn out to be a really big thing for me. 

For years now, these both have been a burning passion of mine and for the first time in a long time I told myself that I'm not worth it or that I don't have what it takes. I am no longer making money on YouTube (not that it was that much to start with.) and I'm certainly not making a dollar off my Blog. Many say that the money doesn't matter, but when this is something you want to do forever, you hope to make a great living through it. Am I wrong? 

I know I know. This may sound super hypocritical of me as I've become that cheerleader and motivator for a lot of you Aspiring Bloggers & creatives to never quit, but rather rest . . .

But time is only ticking. I haven't gotten any big sponsorships yet, the company I dream to work with full-time lacks in sharing my content, which I thought was pretty dope and amazing. But again - I guess not. 

Both Blogging and YouTube take up a lot of time. I mean hours and hours of time. And yet have I seen a return on an investment from all of my equipment and editing software to make this all happen. None of it. 

I like to think hat I produce amazing content, but again - I guess not. 

My consistency with my content is great nonetheless, and I just feel like my following and reach doesn't measure up. I also get that it isn't about the subscribers or the followers, but most times your following is what even allows brands to look at your content or give you a chance. 

I completely understand that everyone has to start somewhere, but when you don't have that immediate support from people close to you, it makes it that much easier to de-value your worth as a creative, and better yet - It makes it that much harder to wake up and grind and hustle like you should. 

That's it. The hardest thing about this game for me is the lack of support. Without it, comes the thoughts of whether or not you even have what it takes. 

What I will say though is that by not having immediate support is what made me go so hard and support other creatives I've seen with the same dreams and visions as me. If you follow me, you know exactly who you are and no matter what I decide to do, I will continue to support you. My lack of support will not turn me bitter. I know what it feels like to not have much, so I will keep giving it all. 

Honestly, maybe after all neither of these things were my calling or purpose. But even if they were, without reassurance, or even signs of interest from those closest to me makes the process that much harder. Without a team riding for you or rooting for you, in this Blogger world, it's so easy to be chewed up & spit out simply because this community is staring to become more and more saturated. 

Maybe I've been dreaming all along and this is my wake up call to reality or the "Real World" they say. Because apparently to the few who matter most to me, doesn't consider this dream a reality - but only a hobby. 

As of right now, I don't know what's next for me. But I'm off to go search for jobs within my field (Although that's not where my heart lies) . . . Maybe I should just give it a try. 

IMG_8296.JPG

Thank you to everyone for keeping up with me. I don't even know when the next blog post will be or if there will ever be one after this. But just thank you. 

With love.